my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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