i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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