There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
