ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
