I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
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