just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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