then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
