Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
