Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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