he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
