I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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