Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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