in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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