Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
