is your mom at the bar?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
