Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
