I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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