I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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