I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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