im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
