and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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