Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
