just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
