She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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