i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
