your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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