I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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