Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
