Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
