Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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