WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
