That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I need a beard to bite.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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