there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
