i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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