Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
