Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you will always have a special place in my vag
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
not ubering you a puppy
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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