I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
