youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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