he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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