I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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