I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
