It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
