I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Don't make out with my wife yet
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
