def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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