Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
