I cockslap morals
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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