My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
