Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You're like the curious george of whores
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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