His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Randomize
