She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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