My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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