Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
