I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
