with your own penis?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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